im at the desk, working. im drinking disgusting pepsi purely for its caffeine content. im so tired. last night was just too much to handle.i really need a weekend when there isnt anything to do. i feel really overwhelmed. i have a lot of work to get done and with rehearsal running my life, i feel like i never have time to get any of it done. yet i can find time to drink and do other shit. im falling into that whole i-dont-feel-like-doing-work thing. its the reading im pretty sure. rehearsal just takes up SO much time. its rough.

i think its time to get to the fac. but i dont have any fucking time to go to the fac. i think im just going to have to start waking up early every morning to get my shit together. i really hate feeling like i never have any time.

this caffeine isnt helping.

new idea. fac. every mwf. i need to stop being a fatass. also, new eating habits. the pasta carbs are killing me. i need to get type A personality on myself right now. if i get back into that creepy perfection mode maybe ill be able to get work done and not be a lazy fatass. good deal. the most important thing is sleep. i need to get sleep. if i get a good nights sleep every night ill be ok. like right now im fucking exhausted, i could sleep on this desk. so instead of doing hw and being productive im bsing bc my eyes wont stay open.

on an entirely different note: we have a mouse. i saw him last night the little fucker.  i was home alone and on the phone. i glanced up and saw its rear end and tail squeezing behind my desk. idk where it went after that but i got really scared. theryre gross but not only that i just dont like them bc they move fast and can fit anywhere. you see them at the randomest times and you dont expect it so its scary. i hate them. i called kelly and told her to tell the girls. we figured it wasnt a big deal until nicole saw him again this afternoon. its a pretty bad sign when you see a mouse in the middle of the day with 2 other people talking and walking around in the room. gross.

i saw mr. "i never make things awkward" last night at like 4am walking to his apartment with some other guy. all night every guy i saw i jokingly said was him, but his time it actually was. he happened to look up and see me in the window so i said "hi" and waved like a fool. then he said something.. or maybe his friend did. idk what though. it was probably mean. they just kept walking. hes very uninterested.

i had a lot of fun with alec at hippo. i love that hes not a ditcher. it makes my life so much easier knowing i dont need to fend for myself when he gets scooped up by hot guy number 7. laila and her bro showed up later on, a pleasant surprise.

halloween is coming. it smells like fall. i really just want to go to sleep.

p.s. my ipod broke. its shit. the end.
 

i need a manicure. no. i need tips. in the past few days ive chewed my nails down to stubs. i was doing really well, keeping them long, but then as soon as this whole monster english ppr came about, i just started gnawing away at them. i need my nails done. and i need to go on a diet. and by diet i mean stomach virus, except not really b/c i actually really dont want that. that would be miserable. i do however want my manicure and pedicure (NICOLE). also, i need to go out. i need to meet guys. i need to be social. i need a boy. i can never find a boy. the best im doing right now is stalking... he needs a code name... ah, yea "mr. i never make things awkward." he said to me once. one of the two time weve spoken. anyway, thats the best im doing. stalking "mr. i never make things awkward." and the worst part? i dont even know why! i dont even know "mr. i never make things awkward," and yet im all about it. ridiculous. i really dont want to turn into a  >insert name here<  and >insert name here< type deal. that gets so annoying so fast. lets move on i cant dwell on this forever, well i can, but i shouldnt.

moving on, almost. ive been calling lorraine and bitching about "mr. i never make things awkward" because shes been there since the infamous flashing occured, and (now were moving on) she texted me saying she had news. i immediately assumed she was engaged, but shes not. i repeat SHES NOT ENGAGED. dont want to start any rumors. but then she said its more of an invitation for me. it was late and she said she'd tell me tomorrow. that was yesterday. im sooo curious. perhaps shes inviting me to live in her big mansion in the basement with my flask, as we always joke. oh my, it IS a reality. anyway im dying to find out what shes talking about.

lastly, im still at the desk working, and im getting quite irritable. i feel gasy, and i cant stand how these freshmen decide they want to spark up a convo while i swipe their cards. no! none of that! give me your damned card, ill swipe it, then you leave. no hellos, how are yous, thanks, no none of it. just give me the card, i give it back, then you go. i dont want to talk to you, i dont want you in my life, and i dont want to be friends. just go.

i find im less irritable when i bitch about "mr. i never make things awkward." i don't know why im giving him a code name. if he ever reads this he will know its him im talking about, but maybe im doing this to protect his identity from other people, or, just maybe, im too damned scared to type his name. yeah, im going with the latter.

its going to be a long day. up at 7.30a for work. work till 12p, then class 3-4.15p, 4.30p-5.45p, 6.30p-9p. then rehearsal 9p-10p. thats a long day. aside form a long day im so confused as to what homework i have to get done. my brain was dead focused on that paper that now since its due next wed. im all out of sorts. i had ignored everythign else to get it done, but now i dont know what i was ignoring. i cant tell if i have absolutely nothing to do or absolutely everything to do.

lastly, i need a halloween costume.

What is the best way to grab the attention of an unassuming guy who lives next door to you that youve been stalking for about 2 weeks, while standing at an open kitchen window?